The dark year is behind me and I am now ready to talk about it. 2020 has been a very difficult year for me. I have plans that was put on hold. A new employment that was delayed and just when I thought the worst is over I was temporarily laid-off. Some would say you just lost a job “temporarily”, others lost their life and or a loved one. The old me would have the same reaction. However, for someone who plans and think things through before making a decision, I was dumbfounded and beat myself up for not being able to foresee that this could happen. I thought I was okay, but I wasn’t. There are nights I couldn’t sleep. I overslept, I cried for no reason and felt scared of what tomorrow brings. That’s when I realized I’ve been having anxiety attacks.
While these unknown feelings are happening inside me I looked and found a temporary job. So I have been teaching English to Japanese students for a while now and creating illustrations for a client abroad. The salary is not bad it helped me to stay current on my bills. What I want to say here is that there maybe something going on inside ourselves but we can still do something, anything.
When I became aware of what’s going on inside me I looked for some help online on how to calm my anxieties. It helped that I am already doing yoga & meditation. I spoke to few people whom I trust. Unfriended a lot of people on Facebook from 1,400+ down to 300+ friends. I admitted and accepted that I have anxieties. It wasn’t easy battling my own self and at the same time healing from it. I allowed myself to cry every time I felt I need to. I always tell to my bf whenever I noticed that anxieties are creeping inside my head again. Most importantly I pray to God. I am still on the road to healing but these are the things I do to calm myself.
First written Jan. 14, 2021
I am now in a much better place. 🙂 Talk about it next time.